reechard's posterous

life after Pop Star & American Idol

Suggested Reading

Amazon.com - life after Pop Star & American Idol - reading list

Well, aren't you lucky.

Many of these are out of print or otherwise hard to get. Just like this will be, soon enough!

 

TITLE
PRICE


A Massive Swelling: Celebrity Reexamined as a Grotesque, Crippling Disease and Other Cultural Revelations by Cintra Wilson (Author)




A Talent for Genius: The Life and Times of Oscar Levant by Sam Kashner (Author), Nancy Schoenberger (Author)




But I Thought I Was Supposed to be a Rock Star ?!? by Ron Haney (Author)




Confessions of a Record Producer: How to Survive the Scams and Shams of the Music Business by Moses Avalon (Author)




Dreamgirl & Supre​me Faith, Updated Edition: My Life as a Supreme by Mary Wilson (Author)
$13.57


Great Operatic Disasters by Hugh Vickers (Author)
$17.09


Hit Men: Powerbrokers and Fast Money Inside the Music Business by Frederic Dannen (Author)




In Cold Sweat: Interviews with Really Scary Musicians by Thomas Wictor (Author), Gene Simmons (Author)
$14.78


Lexicon of Musical Invective: Critical Assaults on Composers Since Beethoven's Time by Nicolas Slonimsky (Author), Peter Schickele (Author)
$10.85


Memoirs of an Amnesiac by Oscar Levant (Author)




Molto Agitato: The Mayhem Behind the Music at the Metropolitan Opera by Johanna Fiedler (Author)
$11.96


The Diva's Mouth: Body, Voice, and Prima Donna Politics by Susan J. Leonardi (Author)
$23.95


The Great Pianists: From Mozart to the Present by Harold C. Schonberg (Author)
$12.92


The Toughest Show on Earth: My Rise and Reign at the Metropolitan Opera by Joseph Volpe (Author)
$10.38


Glitter And Be Gay

Here is a short quiz on Fame and Stardom. First, let us assume you are a Supernova in the firmament of Hollywood Stars, and your name is Tom C. Consider these alternatives, pick the worst one, then turn the page and read on.

  1. You are Heroically Heterosexual in spite of persistent, vicious rumours that you are not only Gay but are a Royal Queen.
  2. You are Secretly Heterosexual, in spite of rumours planted by your Agent and others that you are really Gay, in order to garner publicity and encourage endless Gossip and Speculation.
  3. You are Secretly Homosexual and make a lot of headlines with your failed attempts at getting and keeping a good Beard both on your Face and on your Arm.
  4. You are Secretly a Boring, Clean Cut White Male whose life revolves around a Crazy Cult.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Clearly, alternative number 4 is the last thing you want people to think or discover about you. You cannot put a price on the kind of Free Publicity you can expect in the other situations. When in doubt, have someone start a nice juicy Rumour; you may want to back this up with some Staged Scenario to make it fly.  

Who cares if it's "true?" Truth is entirely beside the point.

Play To Impress

Let us be Frank with one and an other. The saintly devotion you bring to your Art is not its own reward. If you can’t count on being treated as the Star you Are, then what’s the point? 

Is is true that the deader they are, the greater they are. This is one battle you must fight. How do people really know for sure you aren’t more talented than Maria Callas or Enrico Caruso or Franz Liszt?

Why should you pursue a Career in the Arts? Surely, you're doing it for all the adulation, money, and of course, the perks!

  • Presidential Suite!
  • Private Jet!
  • Huge Entourage of Sycophants!
  • Throngs of Fans tearing at your Clothing!
  • The Inability to go Anywhere or do Anything at All in Public!

Remember, keep your eyes on the prize, and always do your very best to impress everyone!

All-Time Concert Faves

Yes of course you will eventually be recognized for your own music. Until you have your star status firmly in hand, freely adapt other hits to serve your act. It does help when your pre-fans are already familiar with the material.


Pop and Rock:

  • Oopsey, I’ve Sung It All Over Myself Once Again! – Britanny’s Peers
  • Me Vida Loca – Rick y Martin Amenudo
  • Do The Mac A Rony – Do The Mac A Rony Band
  • A Disaster Of Truly Titanic Proportions – Selena & Deon
  • Simply Awful – Mike L. Jaxun
  • Beat Me Thusly! – Mike L. Jaxun
  • Is Bjorn A Star!? – Barb Bra
  • Climb Ever Green Mount An Still You Are High. Enough! – Barb Bra
  • Free Birds! – The S. P. C. A.
  • Stare Away To Heaven – Iron Blimp
  • Luv, You Give Really Good - Ahem! – Wit Knee Huston
  • ‘Fonly You Were Newer – Patty Labell
  • Jester Day – Paul & Mick Artney

Classical:

  • Eliza’s Furs – Beethoven
  • Chops Tics – I’m serious!  Everybody knows it!
  • Bollero (theme to Ten)  – Ravelles
  • Moonlit Sonnata  – Beethoven
  • Clare de Loon – Clau de Bussy
  • Tiny Waltz – Chopain
  • Minor Prelude In C# – Rockmaninoff
  • Prelude no. 1 – P. D. Q. Bach
  • Theme from Piano Concert to #1 – Tschaickowski
  • Rock 3 (theme to Shine) – Rockmaninoff
  • Lully ‘Bye – Brhamsz
  • Liebesz Trauma – Lizsztz
  • Fan Affair – Copeland
  • Rahpsody In Blue Jeans – Girchwynn
  • Pacabell’s Cannonball – Pacabell
  • Rondo A La Turkey – Mote’s Art

 

Ten Golden Rules — and Two Bonus Rules!

  • Heed Not those who declare thou hasn’t Talent or Discipline in Sufficient Measure
  • Confuseth not Talent with Good Lighting and a Fabulous Frock
  • Develop an Arsenal of Concert Tricks with which thou canst Defend thy Stardom
  • Thou shouldst perform as long as thou Canst and anon leave them Wanting More
  • Thou must a peer on the Telly at any and all Costs, as Frequently as is Possible
  • Thou shouldst Act anon as does a Star, and be thee Ready for Fame Henceforth
  • Have about thee an aura of Mystery always, and be Seen at the Laundromat never
  • Watcheth thine own Back, lest thee be Stab’d in It
  • Tragedy on the Stage may oft Lead thee to a Swift and Surprising Success
  • Trust Not a Body, not that of your Family, your Friend, nor of Thine Own Self
  • Seek to Employ those who thou canst Coax, Coddle and Persuade with Good Ease
  • Surround thyself with those who Sayeth Niceties about Thee Only, to Thine Face

 

How To Write Your Own Hits

  • Play, gee, you rise!
  • Play G or I’s!
  • Play G, whore-eyes!
  • Pledge, You or I’s!
  • Pledge yer Aye’s!
  • Played “Ewe Rise!”
  • Play “Due Ryes!”

Must I spell it out for you?  You did not spend your life in an artistic monastery or a monastic artistary.  You can’t pretend not to be influenced by anyone.  The real question is: What can you get away with?  Its always good to have fans who send you lyrics and music.  Feel free to use them.

They should be grateful!  Just make certain that you change enough to be legal.  As though anyone knows for certain what is legal.  

You were probably just about to write a similar song, hmm? They will have difficulty in proving you weren’t!

When you’re an established Star, you won’t have to worry about being called a no-talent thief.  You can easily settle out of court and all that free publicity just feeds the insatiable media machine.

What is good enough for Britinny is certainly good enough for you.  After settling out of court, you can state “My People did recieve a demo song from the plaintiff, but I never listened to it.  I am now informed however there are a few coicindental similarities with my latest hit single and so I’m happy to settle with Mr. X as a matter of principle and as an act of simple generosity.” 

This is how to come out smelling like a rose, while covered in manure.  

Cast your fake pearls before the swine.  Then, plan to make silk purses out of their ears, when the spotlights are no longer glaring quite so brightly.

Declaration Of Visit Agreement

On so-and-so date, at such-and-such time, I, ________, will visit Diva X (herein defined as Host) for a period not less than twenty minutes and not exceeding Y, unless Host is Hung from the night before or simply wants to be a Bitch.  

Finding your bags packed and outside is a signal that Host has terminated the Visit.  Finding your belongings outside and unpacked signals that Host has terminated Visit and has rescinded the Visit Agreement.

Thanks for stopping by!  You’re Fired!